Valentino is playing Michael Nyman's music for Peter Greenaway's Draughtsman’s Contract in his show. I'm proud that I know his influence. An artistic avant-garde dark comedy film. At the same time, I feel this sense of shame, that I am not creating beautiful things with that inspiration, like he and his creative team are. Looking at the models, and the women in the front row makes me very, very sad. They look really hungry, vapid. The customers look just like the models! How much work does it take to look like that? Just to be the pretty face to wear the pretty gown? It makes me sad theses women are not taking that time and effort and putting it into their talents, of which I am sure they have plenty, and creating something beautiful and meaningful for the world. They're just china dolls. They have these prefect lives, that are so full of things, but so empty. I say this not because I know these women, but because this show has made me make a definitive decision in my life. I want to be behind that curtain, creating these beautiful works of art. I feel like I have found my place in fashion. I have an easy life, I have everything I want. And I could float through this world, putting all my efforts into looking modelesque, and buying designer gowns. OR I could express myself. Be an artist. Create, not consume. I want to break the cycle, furthermore, and make my fashion creations outside this system, that drives women to THIS, idealizes THIS. THIS conformity, this annihilation of the self. How do I see this just by looking at the women in the fornt row? A picture tells a thousand words. I know thier lives, I've read celebrity gossip blogs. His gowns are stunning. This show has made it clear to me that I want to be a part of fashion, but not like THIS.